Warning: This user story contains themes of drug use, abuse, and mental health crises.

In the United States alone, 53 million or 19.4% of Americans in the over-12 age group have used an illegal drug in the last year (1), and 25.4% of illegal drug users have a Substance Use Disorder (SUD) (2).

SUD is a complex condition in which there is uncontrolled use of a substance despite harmful consequences. People with SUD have an intense focus on using a certain substance(s) such as alcohol, tobacco, or illicit drugs, to the point where the person's ability to function in day-to-day life becomes impaired (3).

For Cynthia, a battle with substances began at age 12. However, this was not an overnight decision, as years of abuse, pain, and misunderstanding drove her towards taking solace in illicit substances. After smoking marijuana for a period of time, she slowly moved on to harder drugs until she found herself smoking crack. It wasn’t long before she was in trouble with the law, and found herself in prison three separate times.

At this point, it may have been easier for Cynthia to give up - on herself, her family, and her health. She had a stroke at 39, and her arm became paralyzed in 2019. She was on benzodyazapines for 15 years and then was suddenly told she could no longer be on them due to her high risk of dementia. Despite all of this, she has been out of prison for 4 years, and has been clean for 4.5 years. She has three kids, two grandkids, and two dogs who are her loves.

Cynthia’s long health journey begins during her childhood. Symptoms of pain are intertwined with her earliest memories, and feels like some of her initial pain is due to the abuse she started receiving from her father at age two.

By third grade, Cynthia started unknowingly experiencing symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). She wrote a paper for school, half of it was written in the classroom, and the other half was written at home. Her teacher thought she was cheating or plagiarizing, because the two halves seemed to have varying styles of writing. Looking back on this moment, Cynthia believes that this was when she first started splitting, a defense mechanism by which people with BPD view others, events, or even themselves in all-or-nothing terms (4).

Cynthia’s initial attempt to seek help for her mental health led to her involuntary commitment in a psychiatric hospital. Then, during her time in prison, she wasn’t getting the care or treatment she needed, both for her physical and her mental health. Weeks would go by without the proper treatment regimen, and no health care practitioner ever took a deep look into her health.

Since she has been out of prison, taking care of her health and wellbeing has been a major priority for Cynthia. It took Cynthia many years to find the proper diagnosis for her symptoms. Once she found this diagnosis, she immediately felt at peace, because her long-time symptoms were finally described and understood by someone other than herself.

Despite the lack of stability in her life, taking note of her health is not a new concept. She has utilized a health journal for 20 years, and is thankful Folia has taken the place of these physical books for a few reasons. She is a positive member of the community, and shared the following about the app:

First off, she can use batch tracking and quickly track the days she may have forgotten. She now has more awareness of how her health is on a day to day level, and can catch herself if she feels her symptoms slowly getting worse. Overall, she loves that she can quickly capture any and all treatments symptoms - whether she has been experiencing them for an extended period of time, or whether it's the first time.

Today, Cynthia works at a local store, and hopes to spread joy and kindness to everyone she interacts with. She also aims to help people who manage SUD, have been abused, or may have faced other hardship. She finds great strength in her faith, and is able to use it as a way to lift herself up in the face of hardship. It is resilient people like Cynthia who make the Folia community full of life, experience, and compassion, and we are so grateful for her willingness to share her story.

** Cynthia is a pseudonym to protect the identity of the individual

Life Experiences Series: Mental health, and resiliency after incarceration